Put a refrain at the start of a verse to give the listener a question to carry, in the middle to interrupt or redirect a scene, or at the end to hand a request into its answer. Try all three with the other lines in their original order. Read each version into the first line of the next section. Choose the placement that gives the listener the information they need at the moment they need it.
Give the refrain one thing to point to
A refrain is a part of a song or poem that comes back. For this exercise, imagine that the same request returns in each verse of a song about packing up a diner. You’re deciding where it belongs the first time a listener hears it. One comparison verse is enough. You can test the return in verse two after you’ve chosen a spot.
Write these three scene lines on separate slips of paper, in order. “Six cups stand upside down on the till.” “One wears a chip where your lip would sit.” “You spread yesterday’s sports page flat.” Give “Save me the blue one” a slip of its own. Leave one more line on the table, outside the verse: “You wrap it in my apron.” That action opens the next section in every take.
Open with a request that needs an answer
Say “Save me the blue one” before you read the three scene lines. Stop after the word “one”. What could you point to? On this first hearing, there’s a colour and somebody who wants something. The six cups arrive one line later. That short wait can work if you want the narrator’s voice to be the first thing we meet.
Now read the last scene line into the next section: “You spread yesterday’s sports page flat. / You wrap it in my apron.” There are two plausible things to wrap, the paper right there in the sentence and the cup we were asked to save. If the intended object is the cup, the opening has bought curiosity at a price. Mark that spot before you change a word.
At the writing desk
Move the request from the opening to the closing line
First thought
Save me the blue one.
Six cups stand upside down on the till.
One wears a chip where your lip would sit.
You spread yesterday’s sports page flat.
Another way in
Six cups stand upside down on the till.
One wears a chip where your lip would sit.
You spread yesterday’s sports page flat.
Save me the blue one.
- Read “You wrap it in my apron” after each version. That line belongs to the next section and stays fixed.
- Opening with “one” withholds its noun for a line. Closing with it puts the request directly beside the packer’s reply.
- For the middle version, slip the request immediately after “lip would sit”. The paper then buys a line of waiting time before the apron appears.
Original practice lyrics. Each verse has the same four lines and the same scene order. Only the request moves.
Put the request where it interrupts the work
Try the middle take aloud in this order: “Six cups stand upside down on the till. / One wears a chip where your lip would sit. / Save me the blue one. / You spread yesterday’s sports page flat.” Follow it with “You wrap it in my apron.” Here the listener already knows what a blue one might be. The chipped rim also gives the speaker a reason to interrupt before everything disappears into paper.
There’s a beat between asking and getting an answer. Does spreading the paper feel like the beginning of a careful reply, or does it sound as though the packer has ignored the request? Both are playable. Try one reading with a breath after “one” and one without. If you like that moment of doubt, pencil a breath there. Keep the lyric the same for the closing take.
Close the verse against the next line
Read the three scene lines first. Now read just the seam: “Save me the blue one. / You wrap it in my apron.” The cup is the nearest thing “it” can refer to. The packer has already laid out the sports page, yet reaches for the speaker’s apron instead. Those two pieces of wrapping do different work. One is for any cup. The other belongs to the person who asked.
For a song in which the packer answers without speaking, I’d keep the closing take. The request and the gesture touch. For a song about whether the packer is listening at all, I’d keep the middle take and the intervening sheet of paper. Try covering the next line with your hand. If a favourite verse loses its advantage when you uncover the line, you’ve found a transition worth revising.
Try the chosen position on its next return
Write the slot and its job beside your draft. For the closing take, the note could read “Line four asks for the cup. The apron answers on the next downbeat.” Sing or speak the verse into that next line on your own pulse. If you can only make the answer fit by clipping “blue”, mark the breath or extra beat you need. These printed lines leave the tune for you to decide.
Put the same returning line in the corresponding place in your next verse and read one line past it again. It may need a different lead-in there. Keep the two verses together when you decide. If you already use the song structure builder, the verse’s purpose field can hold a short reminder such as “Close on the request; open the next section with the apron.” The scratchpad below is where you can keep all three full takes.
Make three cuts of your verse
Give yourself two minutes to pick three scene lines, one returning line and the first line that follows the verse. Spend four minutes arranging the three takes in the scratchpad. Take three minutes to read each across the section break, marking the first word that identifies what the refrain refers to. Use the last three to keep one take and name one thing the move costs. Save the words and the reason together.
- Do all three versions use the same lines in the same scene order?
- Can I say what the listener knows when the refrain arrives?
- Did I read across the section break and keep the two lines that made my decision?
A scratchpad, not a saved project. Copy or download your work before leaving.
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A few useful answers.
Can a refrain start a verse?
Yes. An opening refrain lets a voice or request arrive before its explanation. Say it once on its own, then add the next line. Listen for how long the listener has to wait for a person, place or object to attach it to.
Where is the middle of an uneven verse?
Choose a meaningful interruption. Place the refrain between the line that establishes what is happening and the action it might interrupt. In the diner scene it falls after the chipped rim and before the newspaper opens. There’s no need to count equal halves.
What if the verse leads into an instrumental section?
Keep the first musical event after the verse fixed in all three takes. Sing the last line into the same chord, rest or instrumental entrance. Mark which word is still hanging in the air when the new section begins, and decide whether that is the thought you want to carry.
